Tonight, Governor Mike Pence will step to the microphone at the Statehouse and give his State of the State address tonight.
In the meantime, to make what will hopefully be Mike Pence's last SOTS address of his term in office more enjoyable, I've decided to come up with a (non-alcoholic) drinking game for you to play and enjoy while he speaks.
Smiles and nods-one drink
Frowns and nods-one drink
Squints and nods-one drink
Makes downward motions with hands-one sip
Stands with hands on hips-two drinks
Puts hands on hips while riding horse into the House chambers-drink entire bottle
Mentions job creation numbers with no support-one sip
Mentions job creation numbers with specific company names-one drink
Mentions job creation numbers while celebrating by firing a revolver in the air-drink entire bottle
Puts words "Obamacare" and "Repeal" together-one drink
Says something schmaltzy about Hoosier values-two drinks
Mentions ISIS-two sips
Mentions RFRA-one sip
Announces full opinion on LGBTQ issues-six drinks
Announces full opinion on LGBTQ issues while dressed in drag-drink everything in house
Calls someone clearly not his friend, "My friend"-one drink
Starts slow clap for legislator or gallery guest-one drink
Mentions anything about David Bowie or David Bowie's music-drink half the glass.
Sings "Space Oddity"-drink six bottles
Mentions legislation to protect rights otherwise protected by the Indiana or U.S. Constitution-one drop
Invokes God to Bless something-one drop
Mentions basketball or racing or popcorn or something Indiana is known for-one drink
Mentions clean coal technology-one drink
Mentions Mr. Clean-two drinks
Challenges Governor of Illinois or Connecticut to a fight-drink bottle
Stops speech and yells, "WHAT ARE THOSE?" pointing to the shoes of a legislator-drink two bottles
Resigns-Go to Monument Circle and celebrate
Again, I don't condone getting drunk and drinking heavily. This was just for fun.