Sunday, June 5, 2011

Sporadic Reports of Escaped Kittens Reach Indy Democrat Newsroom

Two kittens that escaped from police custody in Speedway have been spotted around the area and are still believed to be on the prowl.

As Paul Ogden reported this morning, Muffins McSnugglepants and Mittens McSpangle escaped from the Speedway Jail. Since then, a manhunt...well...felinehunt has been underway for the twosome.

Around 6:00 p.m., Public Safety Director Frank Straub held a news conference with Mayor Greg Ballard. Straub minced no words, "We want these kittens, and we want them now. We are dedicating as many resources as possible to this case."

Ballard said, "Well, obviously, we're concerned. I mean, we have two potentially hardened criminals on the streets right now. Public safety is job one."

RTV 6 Watchdog reporter, Kara Kenney, asked Ballard why animal control had not been alerted. Ballard said, "Come on Kara. I think you know the answer. It's the paradigm we inherited."

McSnugglepants is accused of biting a Westside resident. McSpangle was picked up on charges of public intoxication.

Reached at his ranch, McSnugglepants' attorney, Greg Garrison was clueless and said he had not been contacted by his client, "I have not heard from him, but I would advise my client to turn himself in as soon as possible. We all know President Obama's police state is alive and well in the United States, and we will prove my client's innocence on all charges in court."

IMPD is currently running down a number of tips. Sources close to the department tell Indy Democrat that the kitties were seen exiting a drainage pipe in the State Ditch on Kentucky Ave. The sources say that it may be difficult to catch these two because of the number of cats that look just like them.

If you have seen the kitties, do not attempt to apprehend them yourselves. They are clawed and dangerous.

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