The kitten that allegedly attacked a Speedway man has hired a high-powered legal team to defend it in court.
Indy Democrat is the first to fake report that Muffins McSnugglepants has hired WIBC's Greg Garrison to provide its legal defense. Garrison clearly did not release this statement this morning:
Muffins was simply trying to defend itself from this man who was trying to tie a rope around its neck. We believe that the police erred in taking our client into custody, and we intend to prove it in court. The cat's use of force was justified, in our view. The man is just lucky that the cat did not scratch his eyes out.
Craig Wyatt, the 24-year-old man the Indianapolis Star says called the police, was never contacted for comment.
Editor's Note: And, yes, I meant to spell it "kitteh". There's an internet meme out there.