Thursday, March 25, 2010
A Day In the Life of Governor Daniels...
(Please be aware that the following blog entry is for entertainment purposes only, so it's likely that I'm lying.)
Through a freedom of information act request, I have gotten access to Governor Mitch Daniels' top secret journal. Viewer discretion is advised.
6:00 a.m.-Alarm went off. I rolled out of bed to a ringing cell phone. It was (State School Superintendent Tony) Bennett. He asked if it was ok if he let the dogs out. I gave him permission.
6:05 a.m.-Hopped in the shower. Hot water wasn't working, so I did it quick.
6:10 a.m.-Started working on today's comb over.
6:45 a.m.-Finished working on today's comb over. Looks great.
7:00 a.m.-Hopped in RV 1 for ride to Governor's Mansion. Drove to 82nd and Meridian and then got on the the motorcycle for the last few miles.
7:30 a.m.-Arrived at the Governor's mansion. Cell phone was ringing. It was (Attorney General Greg) Zoeller. He wanted to know what he could have for breakfast. I told him go for eggs. He asked poached or fried. I told him fried. He wanted to know if he could have some hash browns, and I said he could. I gave him the freedom to pick his own drink.
7:32 a.m.-Zoeller called back to ask if he thought he should have milk or orange juice. I reluctantly told him orange juice.
7:35 a.m.-Got in the vehicle to go downtown to the State House.
7:39 a.m.-Zoeller called back and asked if he could wash the dishes. I gave him permission. He asked if he could do it by hand because he was out of dishwasher soap, so I said ok.
7:55 a.m.-Arrived at the Governor's Office. Played Farmville for a half an hour.
8:25 a.m.-(State Senator Luke) Kenley called asking if it was okay for him to drive to work this morning. I told him that he should walk. He said ok. So, I told him that I was kidding and he said ok.
8:45 a.m.-First phone call from (Indianapolis Mayor Greg) Ballard. He wanted to know what the phone number was for the Mayor's Action Center because he needed to report a pothole. I told him that he was the mayor. He said, "Oh yeah," and hung up.
9:22 a.m.-Phone call from Becky Skillman. She was in the checkout line at Marsh. She wanted to know paper or plastic. I told her to take paper.
9:48 a.m.-Zoeller called again asking if he should use blue or black ink to sign documents in his office. I asked him if had a red pen, and he said yes. I told him not to use the red pen but to stick it up his nose while using the black one. He said that he would do it.
10:30 a.m.-(State Treasurer Richard) Mourdock called to ask me if it was ok for him to sue someone. I told him no.
12:00 p.m.-Lunch with [redacted]. Discussed selling off the state name "Indiana" to latest fly-by-night company that might or might not deliver jobs to the state.
1:00 p.m.-Finished up lunch. [Secretary of State Todd] Rokita called and asked me if I could let him borrow the car this weekend. I told him he could.
1:00-3:00 p.m.-Played Mafia Wars in office. Stopped in time to take call from Zoeller again. He wanted to know if he could have his secretary water the office plants. I told him yes but not to water the cactus.
3:45 p.m.-Decided to try to slip out, but I got cornered by Bennett. He asked if it was ok to increase the number of school days to 500 per year. I shook my head and tried to explain why it would not work. I had talked him down to 399 days when his brain gave out and he fell asleep on the floor.
4:32 p.m.-Got back in the car for the ride to the Governor's Mansion. Took three calls from Becky Skillman about the running toilet in her office. I told her to shake the handle and file a work order.
5:00 p.m.-Arrived back at the Governor's Mansion and actually briefly thought about staying there. Decided not to. Drove back to RV-1 and went home.
5:55 p.m.-Arrived home. Incoming call from Tim Durham...didn't answer.
5:56 p.m.-Incoming call from Carl Brizzi. Answered, but I pretended that I had a bad signal.
5:57 p.m.-Incoming call from Carl Brizzi. Didn't answer.
6:00 p.m.-Finally back in the easy chair. Text from Bennett..."I Can Haz Cheezeburger? LOLOLOLOL ROFL" Geez...why did I give that guy my number.
6:30 p.m.-Planned 2012 Presidential Campaign with Rove on Conference Call. He said we should run on the "My Man Mitch" slogan and should have W. campaign with us.
7:45 p.m.-Disappointed to hear 3,000 jobs promised weren't going to happen. Decided not to revise statistics. (Like anyone will find out...good thing Bob Segal isn't out there)
9:45 p.m.-Played Chat Roulette. Ran into some crazy kids.
10:57 p.m.-Ready for bed. The Governor has had a long day.
11:37 p.m.-Phone call from Rokita. He asked if he should wear the red tie or the blue tie tomorrow. I told him, "Go bolo tie." He said ok.