Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Let's Start Some Rumors
Ok...it works for other local bloggers out there. I'm not particularly good at starting rumors or anything, but I can certainly give it a try.
I heard from a local Republican source that Mayor Greg Ballard has been convinced to resign from the Mayor's Office and is planning to move to Alaska to run for Governor of Wyoming.
This blogger was visited by his death panel this weekend.
Among the candidates building support for a run for Indiana Governor on the Democratic side: Roy Dominguez, Jonathan Weinzapfel, Baron Hill, and a confused Rod Blagojevich.
While on Fox News earlier, Mike Pence had trouble deciding today what to campaign for...President, Congress, or Governor?
Upset with rising day care costs, Senator Luke Kenley halted all lego deliveries until the day care operators reduce their rates.
My local media sources tell me that, shockingly, Prosecutor Carl Brizzi actually passed up an opportunity to be on camera or the radio on Monday afternoon.
The little birdies in my head tell me that Local radio show host Greg Garrison is considering a run for Marion County Prosecutor. He will run as a Libertarian, and his campaign bus will be called the "Crazy Talk Express." He was seen at Ward's Apparel in Mooresville stocking up on denim and cowboy boots for the campaign. Garrison also recently won a contest for the best Rush Limbaugh impersonator to dress like Don Imus.
Apparently not all Democrats in Marion County are running for Mayor, At-Large Council, or Prosecutor.
NBC Nightly News Anchor Brian Williams and Indianapolis Mayoral Candidate Brian Williams plan to swap seats for a day if Williams is elected Mayor.
Democratic sources tell me Looney Tunes great Yosemite Sam is considering a run for Marion County Sheriff. Reached for comment, Sam said, "Sufferin' succotash, I'm not running for that office you thievin' varmit." He then shot the phone several times. Stay tuned there.
Republican sources tell me that Richard Mourdock plans to sue the Obama Administration for choosing Martha's Vineyard over Indiana Beach as a summer campaign spot. "I'm personally opposed to Massachusetts," said Mourdock.
The Indianapolis Star plans more cutbacks and is about to announce that it will soon publish its home delivery version as a front and back 8 1/2 by 11 sheet of paper copied at Kinkos. Half of the back page will be ads and sudoku.
Republican campaign consultants tell me that Mitch Daniels is learning how to walk on stilts in order to appear taller for his 2012 run for President.
My sources in the TOS office tell me that the company that was awarded the Major Moves contract is now writing small amounts on really big checks in an effort to fool Indiana Treasurer Richard Mourdock.
Earlier this week, the direct line between Greg Zoeller's Office and Governor Daniels' Office quit working and my State House sources tell me that the Attorney General had to think on his own for a few seconds. There was severe panic for that moment before the connection was restored.
Lieutenant Governor Becky Skillman was slightly injured smiling this week.
Upset at the Governor's insistence on running his office, State Superintendent of Public Instruction Tony Bennett has asked if he can at least move into the unused Governor's Mansion on Meridian St.
Bennett also announced that anyone that has ever learned anything can now become a teacher under new licensing rules. He also announced that anyone that has ever led anything is now able to become a Superintendent or Principal. Bennett also announced a plan for 366 days of school where students will attend 26 hours per day.
Libertarian City-County Council member Ed Coleman celebrated his continued tenure as the Libertarian Party leader in the City-County Council. He, of course, was elected by a unanimous vote of all Libertarians serving on the Council.
Democratic sources tell me that Marion County Democratic Chairman Ed Treacy is trying to talk Marion County Clerk Beth White into running for President in 2012.
Publishing sources close to People Magazine tell me that City-County Council President Bob Cockrum is a finalist for the "Sexiest Man Alive" competition.
My Lafayette sleuths tell me that Congressman Steve Buyer was recently seen in his district...if that wasn't shocking enough...he was smoking lettuce.
I received a chain e-mail from the White House telling me that Mayor Greg Ballard is working on a new book entitled "How To Make A Budget Surplus Without Paying Your Bills with forewards by Luke Kenley and Mitch Daniels."
Disheartened by the nearly 200 people at Brett Voorhies' campaign kickoff, a confused Bob Behning dropped out of the Indiana House 92 race briefly before realizing that he actually represents Indiana House District 91.
Well, that's enough for now. I swear that all of these rumors are as true as everything that comes out of Glenn Beck's mouth. Wait a minute...LIES...ALL LIES I TELL YOU! (Blogger crying hysterically).
All in fun friends...all in fun!
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